Alphabetical Twittelation

Twenty-six consecutive tweets to keep me amused. It was actually quite hard to do without making anything up.




All my ideas for wasting a Sunday afternoon seem to have dried up. :o(>

@matt-fwyalchen - 15:06 20/02/11


Beer does taste better on a Sunday afternoon than it does at any other juncture of the week. Fact.

@matt-fwyalchen - 15:14 20/02/11


Critically, sport is exactly like life: you can do everything perfectly correctly and still not 'get the girl'. @'withheld'

@matt-fwyalchen - 15:26 20/02/11


Damn right! If you completely counter another team you are just giving them 'carte blanche' to have their preferred tactics. @'withheld'

@matt-fwyalchen - 15:35 20/02/11


Every time I do the Sunday Times crossword it stumps me with two clues which I look at an hour later, get immediately, and feel stupid.

@matt-fwyalchen - 15:59 20/02/11


French mustard does not go with roast beef. #justsaying

@matt-fwyalchen - 16:06 20/02/11


Gravy + jeans = washing powder + white, cuboid whirry thing in the kitchen.

@matt-fwyalchen - 16:15 20/02/11


Horseradish sauce has arrived. The day is saved. Hurrah! Hurrah! And thrice, hurrah!!

@matt-fwyalchen - 16:17 20/02/11


I think the 'UK Pushchairs in Pubs Society' should be outlawed. They hunt in packs.

@matt-fwyalchen - 16:50 20/02/11


Joyous news! I've just seen a chav walk into a lamppost. Praise be to the Great Arbiter!

@matt-fwyalchen - 16:56 20/02/11


Kids should not be carted round as an accessory (baggage) to their parents' lifestyle choices. That's all I have to say. @'withheld'

@matt-fwyalchen - 17:04 20/02/11


Lifestyle is (of course) a personal choice. I was agreeing with you. Take a pushchair round 18 holes of golf?! @'withheld'

@matt-fwyalchen - 17:20 20/02/11


Must remember to put the washing on tonight or it'll end up like the time I found myself with one clean sock.

@matt-fwyalchen - 17:40 20/02/11


Now 4 washing loads puts me in my place! I quite like this time of year though. The smell of fresh washing on toasty radiators. @'withheld'

@matt-fwyalchen - 17:50 20/02/11


Off to make myself look human for Monday. My stubble is currently shaming several of the local privets!

@matt-fwyalchen - 18:08 20/02/11


Perhaps secateurs will do the job?!

@matt-fwyalchen - 18:11 20/02/11


Quiche it is for supper, then. Half price in Spar. I do like a good quitch almost as much as a good cwtch.

@matt-fwyalchen - 18:20 20/02/11


Real men MAKE quiche!! (I just don't have time tonight.) @'withheld'

@matt-fwyalchen - 18:28 20/02/11


Seriously, now 'Jus-Rol' do a good shortcrust, I make loads. Surely he can chop cheese, onion and bacon and whisk eggs?! @'withheld'

@matt-fwyalchen - 18:41 20/02/11


Too true, Gareth. Too true. @'withheld'

@matt-fwyalchen - 18:43 20/02/11


Under International Law, and in a Citzens Arrest kind of way, can gobby yoofs be slung 'neath the most convenient local bough?

@matt-fwyalchen - 18:59 20/02/11


Vegans are safe then! @'withheld' @'withheld'

@matt-fwyalchen - 19:04 20/02/11


Why don't satsumas have zips? *Bathes eye.*

@matt-fwyalchen - 19:31 20/02/11


X-ratable bawdiness in form of song coming over my back wall from the pub beer garden tonight. Anyone got a 'Greek Fire' recipe to hand?

@matt-fwyalchen - 19:37 20/02/11


Yes, I'll admit it! I have been very bored and had a lot of time on my hands this afternoon. I apologise now for either verbosity or spamming.

@matt-fwyalchen - 19:41 20/02/11


Zounds and egad! I seem to have run out of letters! If this makes no sense, check my blog. http://fwyalchen.blogspot.com/

@matt-fwyalchen - 20:50 20/02/11

Separated From Animals

"Don't worry yourself, Snap!" Dad said. "They're only dumb animals and can't think for themselves. Just look at what they do! They're always fighting, ripping up their beds and leaving the mess all over the place."

Looking for an excuse to stop and think, I picked up the nearest 'useful thing' and combed his hair. "Couldn't we train them and make them useful?" I usefully suggested. "Sorry, Son. Many have tried but all they do is just grunt, sniff and go on doing what beasts do. They don't understand language so we can't help them, and the messiness of the fallen trees will continue. You see, my Son, that is what separates us orang-utans from animals. Sleep now, Snap."

(A touch of 'The Great Orang-utangle' that I currently have on the back burner. And yes, I do have a copyright draft.)